Who will love Aladdin Sane?

Hello you guys!
Well, finally I'm on a break/winter vacation from college... THANK GOD. But I guess it would be sooo much better if I had a break from my job too... =/
Unfortunately my life isn't very interesting and I have nothing new to say. I'm trying to eat 500 calories a day, but I can't say that I've succeed... not yet!
Basically, I spend my days watching movies, reading books and I'm getting scared, 'cause I'm getting TOO comfortable with this situation, I mean, what's the point to lose weight if I'm not gonna go out with my friends anymore? In a way, I guess I'm self sabotaging myself. I'm seriously thinking on a deadline... A deadline to start to live my life again! To go out with my friends! (losing or not losing weight). I need to feel alive again, to see my friends, to laugh... But I'm feeling so insecure about what they will think about me.
The only thing I'm sure is that I don't wanna keep living like this. Right now, I'm feeling like the worst version of myself, just a stupid shadow and God, nobody deserves to feel this way. I'm not sure about what I'm going to do, but this situation needs DRASTIC MEASURES! Tonight, I'm gonna put my head on the pillow and think about some plan.. Lists of things that I should do to start getting my life on tracks again you know? So, if you guys have ANY, ANY ideas, PLEASE, let me know! 'Cause being alone, reading a book or watching a movie every single day IT'S NOT FUN! That's for sure! There's nothing pretty, romantic, mysterious or interesting about loneliness... just pain, hate, self pity and despair.

ps: sorry for this LAME post =/

And I will never, never again run away from life

Be kind with yourself

Sorry for taking so long to update. I suck!

But I wanna thank all of you guys for your support and kind words. I guess I have nothing really interesting to say. My job still sucks, college is a little bit better, I mean, I can definitely say that I've become very close to those girls, especially to one of them! I have no doubt that we've become friends. We laugh at the same jokes and our (angry and depressive hahahaha) personalities are very similar and that's amazing. But it wouldn't be fair to say that I didn't connect to the other two, it's just that I have more affinity with this other girl. But all of them are sort of my friends now. They all know that I take pills, but only that other girl knows about my E.D.

I haven't been doing any diet, I've binged a lot, but I haven't purged! That's a good thing... right? But unfortunately, I gained all the weight... =/
Last night, I was watching a rerun of the Oprah show and the guest was that author of that book: "Women, food and God", Geneen Roth. I really enjoyed the interview. In a way, I already knew all those things, but I felt really touched by some women's stories... It's so sad too see how much (imaginary) power we have conceded to food. So, I've decided to be kind with myself (one of the things that the author says in her book). We can only relieve ourselves from this prison through kindness and love, we can't keep torturing, hating and hurting ourselves and expect that anything good come from there. I'm not saying that I'm going to give up or anything like that, but I won't be so hard on myself; there's a LOT of people out there, that already treat me like that (like my mother, for example), so let them torture, hate or hurt me, 'cause I won't. I'm not also saying that I won't complain or vent, no, but I will not get all dramatic about it and I'll be more reasonable. I've been through a lot and I can't expect to succeed without some falls or little failures, the only thing that will be different, is the way I'm going to react to them.

I'll NOT hurt myself anymore, I'll NOT cry all night long anymore, I'll NOT hate myself anymore... No! I'll be proud of every single try and day.
Fride posted some Audrey Hepburn pictures on her journal and I automatically remembered of this Audreys quote and it's a beautiful one:

"For attractive lips,
Speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes,
Seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure,
Share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair,
Let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise,
Walk with the knowledge that you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed,
Never throw out anybody.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
You'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands;
One for helping yourself,
The other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives and the passion that she shows.

The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years."

"My darling, you're such a child. You think that by saying, "I'm sorry," all the past can be corrected".

Be kind with yourself

Sorry for taking so long to update. I suck!
But I wanna thank all of you guys for your support and kind words. I guess I have nothing really interesting to say. My job still sucks, college is a little bit better, I mean, I can definitely say that I've become very close to those girls, especially to one of them! I have no doubt that we've become friends. We laugh at the same jokes and our (angry and depressive hahahaha) personalities are very similar and that's amazing. But it wouldn't be fair to say that I didn't connect to the other two, it's just that I have more affinity with this other girl. But all of them are sort of my friends now. They all know that I take pills, but only that other girl knows about my E.D.

I haven't been doing any diet, I've binged a lot, but I haven't purged! That's a good thing... right? But unfortunately, I gained all the weight... =/
Last night, I was watching a rerun of the Oprah show and the guest was that author of that book: "Women, food and God", Geneen Roth. I really enjoyed the interview. In a way, I already knew all those things, but I felt really touched by some women's stories... It's so sad too see how much (imaginary) power we have conceded to food. So, I've decided to be kind with myself (one of the things that the author says in her book). We can only relieve ourselves from this prison through kindness and love, we can't keep torturing, hating and hurting ourselves and expect that anything good come from there. I'm not saying that I'm going to give up or anything like that, but I won't be so hard on myself; there's a LOT of people out there, that already treat me like that (like my mother, for example), so let them torture, hate or hurt me, 'cause I won't. I'm not also saying that I won't complain or vent, no, but I will not get all dramatic about it and I'll be more reasonable. I've been through a lot and I can't expect to succeed without some falls or little failures, the only thing that will be different, is the way I'm going to react to them.

I'll NOT hurt myself anymore, I'll NOT cry all night long anymore, I'll NOT hate myself anymore... No! I'll be proud of every single try and day.
Fride posted some Audrey Hepburn pictures on her journal and I automatically remembered of this Audreys quote and it's a beautiful one:

"For attractive lips,

Speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes,

Seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure,

Share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair,

Let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise,

Walk with the knowledge that you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed,

Never throw out anybody.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,

You'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands;

One for helping yourself,

The other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives and the passion that she shows.

The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years."

"My darling, you're such a child. You think that by saying, "I'm sorry," all the past can be corrected".